How can I believe in some religion? It’s hard for me to believe the existence of god but I do want to.

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Someone already suggested to read the Bible. I would suggest a different approach. Study more modern Christian myth. Over the recent Christmas holiday I watched Polar Express, the most recent A Christmas Carol movie, and the latest Star Wars movie. Star Wars doesn’t feel like a Christian movie until you realize that Lucas held deep reverence for Christianity and wrote the whole thing as a redemption story for Anakin Skywalker.

CS Lewis was extremely religious that that is infused in all of his work. I’m not familiar with it so I can’t speak further on it.

Spiritual belief is predicated on beauty. The mind finds the beautiful far easier to believe in than the ugly. So at first, just seek out beauty.

Turn back to the Bible once you are able to find beauty in religious theme and myth. Then you’ll be able to actually enjoy the process of learning how to read and understand the Bible rather than have it just be this weird thing you’re not sure why you’re trying to do.