How can I help my man be more dominant (non-sexually) and try to be less dominant in our relationship, so that he can gain the "winner effect" momentum and not be bullied by me (inadvertently) and others any more?

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I like to say that relationships are built on needs, but thrive on wants. Both partners have to be getting what they need in order for a healthy relationship to take place. But for it to progress past that to a relationship where both partners are thriving, then you need to find a way to navigate conflicting wants.

I find it useful to “set a stage.” Make the whole night about the two of you. Share a nice dinner. Talk about your day, then about whatever topics happen to come up. At some point the conversation will lull. That’s when you know the stage is set and you’re ready for action.

If you want to be submissive and your man to be dominant, then you need to get into that character. You don’t actually have to role-play, by that I mean get into a specific character, but it can help. If you are feeling something specific, like a naughty schoolgirl, then you might actually get it started with, “I did something bad today, teacher.” Then when he asks what, you might say, “I didn’t wear any panties to class today.”

Then just let the events unfold from there.

If he’s not feeling it, then don’t just let the energy of the moment dissipate or worse, turn negative. It just means he has something he wants from you. Maybe sit in his lap for awhile and just let him talk. Listen honestly to whatever he has to say, and don’t judge him for whatever it is.

If he articulates a vision of what he wants from your relationship, then maybe try to act it out, right there that night.