Why can't I connect with a girl on a mental level?

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I think you answered your own question there, chief. You’re scared of pretty girls, it’s really hard for two people to really connect when one of them is scared of the other.

Do you really want a pretty girl to just accept that she’s a superior species and enter into a relationship with you? Because such a relationship would be a BDSM-flavored one, and not many people are into that.

When you enter into the realm of BDSM, it doesn’t take long to realize that the person with the real status in the relationship is the submissive. Subs get all their needs met by the doms and don’t have to do any of the work. More people are interested in being subs than in being doms. This is why there’s a thriving sex trade in domme but never in sub.

So you have two things going against you here. You want a BDSM-style relationship with a highly sought-after partner who will then take the less prestigious side of the arrangement.

You need to be a really-worthwhile partner in order to make this work. Female dommes are already pretty much gods, they can have any sort of relationship they want, it’s perfectly conceivable that they won’t want a BDSM-style relationship for their main.

Okay, so femme-dommes are out. You just want a lady that is willing to acknowledge her superior status in the relationship rather than operating as equals.

We have a word for these kinds of people. Abusers. You basically want someone to abuse you day-in and day-out. They don’t need any kind of control or discipline, all they need is a sense of superiority over your worthless ass. Ask yourself if this is really something you want.

Once you realize that, no, you don’t want someone who uses you as a walking mat, assuming you’re thinking rationally and not still in fantasy-land, it’s not hard to arrive at the conclusion that the lover you want does not and cannot actually exist. Fantasy-land is the only place where you can get your jollies.

So the solution to your quandary is evident. Stick to fantasy land. By this I mean write erotic literature. Get all your unrealistic fantasies out on paper where people can read them and tell you whether they’re actually good or not. The nice thing about writing erotic lit is that if you strike the right nerve, someone interested in exactly what you want will beg you to have exactly the kind of relationship you’ve described.

If you can recognize the opportunity and capitalize, you, my friend, can finally realize your deepest personal wish.

Or you could, you know, do some self-inquiry and figure out some less-destructive ways of getting your needs met. Reading erotic literature is highly recommended.