When you meet a more physically powerful guy in a relaxed social situation do you treat him the same as a guy who is your physical equal, or do you treat him differently?

Home - Quora Link

Physical size does not intimidate me. For his size to matter in an interaction, we’d have to be engaging in some kind of physical activity. I don’t do such things so for some guy to be huge is more of an interesting curio fact about them than it is in any way material to the situation.

This last weekend I went to a pool party. Two of the guys there were really big. One of them reminded me of the Samoans I met when I lived in Hawaii. Salt of the Earth, don’t get on their bad side.

The other guy was a bodybuilder sort. He mentioned once that he squats 450. I don’t know what sports he played but he was really athletic.

The Samoan managed to get the bodybuilder to engage him in a wrestling match in the pool. At first it looked like the bodybuilder had the physical edge. But the Samoan was clearly more comfortable in the situation and won pretty easily.

After their match the Samoan guy just couldn’t shut up about how he used to have gang friends and nobody could beat him growing up. He really derived a lot of his sense of self worth from the fact that he doesn’t lose fights.

I never planned on getting into a fight with him so I just relaxed, floated in the heated pool, chatted with the more business-y types that were there, then when the party wound down, rode the elevator back up to my $2700 / month apartment, had another glass of bourbon and took a nap.

Once you learn how to not be confrontational, then you never have to deal with confrontations. People are worried about being submissive, but it’s really just about not engaging. If someone starts shooting their mouth off about shit, just ignore him.

I was at a bar once, and this guy I knew came in all mad about something. He was punching the wall under the bar with his fist. I asked him what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to hit me in the face. I told him he could hit the wall. He said, “Fair enough,” and hit the wall again.

Just don’t engage.