How do I get an attractive girl to become obsessed with me?

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My old roommate used to tell me he wanted this. I told him he didn’t really want that, that if he ever really got it, he’d be cursing life. He didn’t believe me.

If you look at people who have intimacy difficulties, you find that you can sort them all into two categories. Love-avoidant and love-addicted. Both have problems with boundaries and dealing with their emotions, it’s just that they each express those problems in different ways.

My friend was a love-avoidant, he could not express his own emotions, so he thought a good solution to his problem was to find someone to express all their emotions onto him. Really this was focused on loss. He figured if she was obsessed with him then she’d never leave him.

Nothing about any of this thought process is in any way healthy, because they’re masks for deeper emotional problems. Luckily for my friend, he is really smart so my logic eventually got to him. He’s now in a stable relationship and has no time at all for me.

If you’re in a relationship with a love-addicted person and you’re love-avoidant, your relationship will fall into a pattern called codependency. Your actions in the relationship will be oriented around your emotional problems, but instead of seeing them as your problems, you’ll push those problems off onto the other person and blame them for your problem. They will also do the same to you.

A relationship is supposed to heal and not mask emotional problems. They’re supposed to be transformative and not just another part of your life, like your car or your wallet. People with emotional issues often treat relationships like that. They pick and choose traits of a person that they want because they can’t see people’s whole selves.