How can I divorce my wife without hurting her feelings?

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Oh have fun with that. I’ve been to Colombia three times, love the place. Colombians are a feisty people.

I can’t help you with your mom, but if you’re in Atlanta, I could maybe mediate. By mediate I mean get nice and drunk with her while she vents out her hatred towards the silly puta who used her and then threw her away. Then she can laugh at all the silly dirty Spanish sayings that my teacher taught me in Cartagena when I was there 7 years ago.

Then I can offer her a place to crash and watch her find a replacement for you in about 20 minutes at one of the many bars down the street.

Colombianas are fun.