Sometimes I do things, not because I like them, but because I want others to do something for me. Am I superficial/manipulative?

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A lot of these things boil down to your intent and how you see what you’re doing. Two people can be doing the exact same thing, but one person is being creepy and the other person is being really helpful.

I think with a little reframing you can absolve yourself of whatever sins you may have committed in the past. First off, I think you’re probably underestimating your parents. They’re probably very aware of the correlation between you talking about church and asking for stuff.

Being a parent is to become acutely aware of the darker aspects of manipulation, and lighthearted blackmail and / or bribery can be excellent parenting. They know that you probably would never talk or think about this stuff otherwise, and are rewarding you and thinking of you very highly for your attempt at ‘manipulation’. Your siblings probably just ask for crap without the buttering up, and that’s way worse.

Second, understanding a person’s culture and background is something we all wish other people would do. It sows the ground for fertile communication and so long as you’re not being creepy or stalkerish, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing a little homework before you go into a date with someone that you might be spending the rest of your life with.

Man I wish I had a girlfriend with your pluck. You don’t happen to live in Atlanta, do you?