What can I do if I believe I am God?

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I’ve been dealing with this problem for years.

Being the Almighty ain’t all gumdrops and ice cream, ya know.

You’ve gotta answer all these prayers, come up with a perfectly appropriate response for each one that lets them keep going without either being too generous or too stingy.

You have to manage the perception of free will so that everybody feels like they have it while providing just enough determinism in the world so that you can learn things.

You have to give all these people something to believe in so that death doesn’t feel like eternal oblivion.

It’s a boatload of work, let me tell you.

So you know what I did? I hired a secretary. Meet my good pal Jesus.