Would you still be friends with a person who wronged you?

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When somebody does something that I don’t understand or like, the first thing on my mind is figuring out where it is on the misunderstanding / malice scale. I then calibrate my response appropriately.

The person who wronged me could temper my response by talking to me and convincing me to move my judgment closer to misunderstanding. The attempt by itself is often enough to get me to forget all about it.

I had a friend of mine, a real fuck-up. Couldn’t keep a job, a family, or his freedom, he pissed all those away over the course of the 6 or so years I’ve known him. We were neighbors for about a year. When he started spiraling downhill, I tried to help him avoid the worst of it by loaning him money here and there. He on occasion paid me back, but we built up a deficit and any hope of getting paid back was dashed when he went to prison for three years. I sent him 20 bucks here and there while he was in jail, nothing big, just enough to take the edge off.

When he got out of jail, he hit me up, and asked for help getting back on his feet. I gave him $100 and he broke down in tears, he’d only asked for like $40. While he was throwing away his life, I doing the best I’d ever had. Corporate job, salary, bennies and all. It felt good helping him out and I looked forward to the day where we could sit back, clink beers and reminisce about old times. I figured he just needed a few more years to get back on his feet.

Fate was not so kind. He took up with an older lady who took him in. I’m sketchy about the details, but they fought like hell and I detected quite a bit of codependence in their relationship.

But the worst part of it was, he kept hitting me up for money. I thought with a job and a place to live, he’d be able to keep it together, but his life had a malignant cloud over it and I started to dread his calls and texts.

Things took a turn when he had an workplace accident. He settled for some $70k. Things were rough for awhile, but after he recovered he got a job as a chef, something he’d always wanted to make a living doing. I cautioned him to be careful with his money and waited for him to finally get stable.

The unbelievable thing was, having a big pile of money in a bank did not stop him from needing to put his hands in my wallet! He’d always been respectful of me, but he stopped being able to manage his friendships. I imagine a lot of it had to do with the meds he was on.

Once his settlement money came in he gave me a check for $2k as a thank-you for everything I did for him. 2 months later he was frantic to get it back because the bank had frozen his assets or whatever, blah blah blah. I started to suspect he was lying to me, I’d never detected dishonesty towards me before, that’s when I started to see it.

The last straw came when he called me purportedly from Chicago where he’d lost his wallet and needed to get back to Atlanta for work. He promised to pay back the $2k and the $200 but please can you help now. I wired him the $200 and considered it a bargain for getting his stupid ass out of my life. Of course he never called me when he got where he was going, and I can’t be bothered to chase his sorry ass down.

Next time he calls I’ll just tell him to not call me anymore. I have no idea where he is, what he’s doing, and I can’t be bothered to even think about it.