How am I supposed to live after I realized that god does not exist and I will disappear when I die?

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However you want to live. You’ve thrown out 2000 years of focused human inquiry into examining those very questions. You get to build your own house now. Have fun with that.

Or you could just recognize the Christian values you were raised with aren’t exactly terrible and just use those.

Heck, even when I was an atheist I had the good sense to realize that there’s nothing really all that wrong with religion. I just didn’t share it, and still don’t.