What should I do when the woman I care and love so much doesn't communicate very well and always tell me things at the last minute?

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First a series of questions aimed at triaging this issue.

Does she love you back? Are you in a relationship? Is that relationship working?

If the answer to all of these things is yes, then you all you have to do to solve this is to talk it out and come to an understanding. Being in a relationship means both people are willing to change / accommodate for the sake of the relationship. In other words, the relationship is bigger than either of you.

If one or all of these things is not the case, then fret not. If your relationship is not working, then that means that one or both of you is bound to the rules of the relationship but are not getting your basic needs met. If this state continues then the relationship will eventually end.

If the relationship is not working, than this issue of communication and coordination needs to be set aside and you need to work out why the relationship isn’t working and work to get it back there. What happens when you bring up an issue like this in a non-working relationship is that the other person often gets irrational. They might start screaming about things that have nothing to do with your issue. If it “blows up” like this, then guaranteed there are deeper issues lying underneath that need to be identified and worked out.

Second, are you in a relationship at all? Relationships have rules and roles. The relationship works so long as both people are following the rules, and adequately filling the roles. You are a good boyfriend, and she is a good girlfriend.

If you find you cannot even bring this kind of issue up because you don’t think she’ll take it seriously, then you have even bigger issues than a non-working relationship. It means you don’t have a relationship at all, just an ambiguous friendship with someone you might be sleeping with that has no rules, no roles, and no way to work issues like this out.

If you can bring up an issue like this and get her to take it seriously, then you have a relationship, maybe not one with very good rules and roles, but you at least you have one. You can work on those roles / rules, by talking them out. What does she want from you, what do you want from her? That’s the sort of approach you need to be taking with her about this. You can raise the issue of communication and segue into what your expectations for each other are.

Finally, the worst problem you could be having is that you are in a one-sided relationship with someone that doesn’t love you back. If you start talking about this, and the first thing she says is something like, “we are not in a relationship, you can’t tell me what to do,” completely shutting down the topic of discussion, then your only escalation procedure here is to “break up.” I put break up in scare quotes because you can’t break up a relationship that doesn’t exist.

If it’s this bad, then you need to just walk away from her and let her decide if she wants to come back. You have to first establish that she wants to be with you, then work out the rules and roles of that relationship, both be happy with those rules and roles, before you can start to change her behavior in that relationship.

It sucks to walk away from a girl that you have strong feelings for, but realize that you can never be happy in a one-sided relationship. Walking away is the quickest and most effective way of signaling that you are serious about wanting a relationship.

So, to recap, first establish a relationship, understand the rules and roles of that relationship, then discuss with her to set an expectation regarding communication.