How can I choose the right guy?

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What a wonderful question! Just enough details to make it worth answering, but not so much it’s like, “fix my whole life!!!!”

Being sensitive and emotional yourself, you’re going to want primarily someone who isn’t going to trample all over those delicate emotions.

The thing I’ve learned about dating is, some criteria are more important than others. Dating is, among other things, the process of both figuring out what criteria is important to you, and then finding someone who fits those criteria. You want to give your subconscious mind (gut feeling) broad latitude in working out both questions. So if you ‘sense’ that someone’s not going to be good for you, you want to listen to those sense rather than override a crucial part of your brain because you think your conscious mind can do better. (it can’t, it’s not designed to)

The girl I’m dating right now, I asked my gut / subconscious how she stacked up against all the other alternatives I had. The response was overwhelming, no contest. So I dropped all the other ladies and focused on her, and I’m happier than I’ve been in years.

The thing that’s kept me with my girl longer than anyone else is the fact that she does, naturally, what no other girl I’ve ever been attracted to ever does. I’m introverted and not quick to connect with others, whereas she is so outgoing and friendly. If I don’t text her, she texts me. If I don’t have a topic of conversation at my beck and call, she comes up with one.

Every other girl I’ve ever met, if I don’t text them or call them every few days, it’s like we broke up. That’s really annoying. But think about this for a second. It’s only annoying because I have my Helen. If I didn’t have my Helen, then I would consider it normal.

That’s how you know you have someone special. When the things they do for you are so important that they blow away all other considerations. You should keep dating until you find someone who is just that much better. Every other girl I date, I have to stack them up against my Helen and see what’s what. I drop them and go back to her.

If I lose my Helen for whatever reason, then she becomes the bar that the next girl has to meet. I’d rather be single, than have to deal with a girl that doesn’t do for me what she does for me.

The interesting thing about dating and relationships is, it’s not just the other people involved that change. You change too. After a breakup, the next person you date is way better than the people you chose before. So don’t think of a relationship that ended in a breakup as wasted time.

So, it’s not like you are just there and are like, I’m going to pick this one person and we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together if I can pick them right. You’re either ready for marriage or you’re not. The reality is, you don’t marry a person. You elevate a relationship that you are having to marriage. We think it’s about the other person, but it’s not, it’s about the relationship. And relationships have two participants.