How does a friendship grow into a relationship over time?

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Generally, it requires a lot of time spent together. It’s hard for me to imagine it happening any other way. I have many female friends, I’m currently dating one of them, I just asked another out recently. The one I’m dating right now, I’ve known for a long time and we’ve spent so much time together that a lot of people just assume we’re married.

The one I’ve just asked out? Honestly I really only asked her out because I wanted to find a reason to spend more time with her. She said yes but we’ve had a lot of trouble coordinating. I’ve known her for a few years now, we get together every now and again. It’s been so much trouble that I’m considering just letting the whole matter drop and going back to being very-occasional friends. But I’m holding out hope that we can build a deeper connection eventually.

Another girl I know asked floated the idea of hanging out on Saturday (today) so she could see my new place. This one has a boyfriend. I’ve played this game before and it never really turns out well. Nothing I can do about it though but see it through. I confirmed with her this morning but now all of a sudden she’s treating me like I’m the one who asked for her time. She found errands to do and told me she’d hit me up in an hour. That was four hours ago. Next time I see her I won’t even mention it.

Last time this happened, an older married lady would flirt with me at the coffee shop. On my birthday one day she wanted to take me out to dinner. I said yes because who says no in this situation? When the appointed time comes she shows up, and with a hangdog look on her face, says she told her husband and he wasn’t down. Of course he’s not going to be cool with it. Never saw her or her husband again.

Is it conceivable that any of these ladies could have ended up in a relationship with me? I guess. The reality though is that it takes a lot of time to really get to know someone and it’s really hard to spend that kind of time with a whole lot of people. You’re really limiting your dating pool if this is really how you want to go about it.