How can you get your partner to admit they are lying?

Tagged:

People that lie do not lie all the time. They have subconscious criteria for what will cause them to lie and what won’t. Part of getting to know someone involves understanding these criteria. You need to know why they are lying, what part of themselves are they trying to protect from you.

A lot of times this involves reactions. If you react in a way that is perceived as stressful to something they say, they are going to lie about it in the future to keep you from bringing stress into their lives. Once you realize this you have two options.

The bad way is to blow up even more at the lie than you would have at the thing they’re lying about. It’s bad because it introduces more stress on all parties and stress is bad for relationships.

The good way is to try to understand how they would have wanted you to react and to work to bring your emotions under control so that you can react that way. This brings you closer together rather than pushes you apart.

Many people are constitutionally incapable of working on themselves in this way. I do not envy their relationships.