How can a guy stop having crushes on so many girls so easily?

Tagged:

You need to learn how to set up inner boundaries. One of the ways you can do this is by trying to interact with the ladies you are crushing on and get to know them. Eventually you’ll find that they’re not what you thought they were. A crush is a giant pedestal that we place the objects of our would-be affection on.

Not that our crushes aren’t great people, I’m sure they all are, with maybe one or two exceptions. It’s just that while they’re up on a pedestal, you’re not really interacting with the actual person. You’re interacting with the image you have in your mind of her. Actually interacting with her will bring that image back down to reality.

And if you actually do manage to find a friendship or romance with one then you’ll find she’s going to break your heart somehow. Violate your trust, or act in some way that makes it clear to you that you were believing in a lie that you told yourself about this other person.

And that’s when this propensity starts to die, when you realize that the crush is a replacement for love that doesn’t exist and you want the real love to actually exist, so you take actual steps in the real world in order to find it.

It might be with one of your old crushes, but realistically speaking, it probably won’t. Just as you don’t know the people you’re crushing on yet, you also don’t know yourself well enough to be able to pick the right kinds of people.

But the journey doesn’t always have to suck. You can find yourself by doing things you love just as you can find yourself by failing hard and being miserable. So find things to love that aren’t people.