What do I do if I’m in love with someone I can’t be with?

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Heartbreak sucks. There’s no getting around it. I’ve had my heart broken many times. The feelings wash up over and all around me, and all I want to do is be alone to deal with them. I go into what I call “therapy mode” and just do whatever I feel like doing in the moment. It’ll start by going to the grocery store and picking up whatever I think I might like, usually frozen pizzas, fruits and fruit juice, ice cream. Minimum fuss, maximum sensual pleasure.

One heartbreak had me throw myself deeply into cardio exercise. The habit didn’t stick, but it was nice to get out of my head and into my body and have a solid fitness routine for the month or so I kept it up for.

Personally I also used the experience to meditate on just what it means to become emotionally dependent on someone. Why did I need this so badly? Is there a way I can think about my life differently that will make me happier and less prone to needing what I can’t have?

And learning how to love yourself is an underappreciated but powerful skill. It doesn’t really replace a romantic relationship but I think one of the reasons feelings of love whiplash so hard into heartbreak is because we’re subconsciously looking for validation. Something deep that we hate about ourselves, we want someone else to accept.

If you can find out what that is and learn to accept yourself in spite of, or perhaps even because of, that thing, then you won’t have to hang so much onto a romantic partner. And a heartbreak can provide just the opportunity to do that kind of self-examination. We’re not prone to that kind of introspection when we’re happy and everything’s going great.