Why is it so hard to find a woman who appreciates a nice and sweet guy?

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I’m going to take a different approach than the “nice and sweet isn’t enough” refrain.

Nice and sweet is enough. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. You don’t have to “build your personality.” You don’t need to “be interesting.” (Please stop telling people that Franklin Veaux. You’re literally like the most interesting guy in the world. Interestingness wafts off you like the aroma of baking cookies. Or just-bathed puppies. It’s like Justin Bieber telling kids they need to sell more records) Being interesting absolutely is an attractive quality, but look at all the married people out there, how many of them would you consider to be interesting?

No, I’ve met many many many many incredibly, ridiculously, boring couples. And lots of unbelievably boring guys who are absolutely swimming in female attention.

No, the problem is not with your personality. I’m not going to tell you that you’re some kind of weird weirdo or that you secretly think you deserve female companionship with someone who they’re attracted to, for having your problem. (Honestly, though, who doesn’t deserve that?) The problem is what you’re doing.

It turns out that building authentic human connections is just really really hard. You could conceivably do it in any situation, yes women have gotten married with men that approached them on the street. But most people are guarded in those situations so there’s a ton of unspoken rules that if you break, you’ll only raise their guard even more.

The honest answer here is that you need help. And I’m not talking about some stupid dating course run by some misogynistic idiot who will tell you that the key to getting laid is to treat women like objects. You need help from the random people around you in life to tell you what you’re doing wrong. Then once you figure it out, you need to fix what you’re doing.

You can absolutely ask women you like at work out. But you need to do it right and you need to be respectful. If you don’t know how to respectfully ask someone out at work, you need to ask someone how.

This stuff is hard, and not availing yourself of the learned experience of the people around you only makes it harder. Ask your mom. Ask someone you admire at work. Doesn’t matter who you ask. Just don’t try to do this all yourself. Don’t take the advice of people who sound like they have a bone to pick with women. If anyone prefaces their advice with “because women are like…” ignore him. Only take that kind of advice from women. Guys can’t understand what women are like.

You also need to know how to accept advice. Make a good faith effort to go in the direction they want you to go in. They’re like a mirror, they can only tell you what they’re seeing, but making small changes that other people recommend can have a huge impact on the outcomes of your actions.

I’m going to end with a quote from the Bible. Proverbs 1:7. Fools despise wisdom and instruction. Nobody online can give you the instruction you need. We don’t know you, we can’t see you. We can’t tell you whether you should talk slower or stand up straighter. Only the people around you can be your mirror.

Everything I know about people, I learned from those people.