Have you ever taken your family to a professional sporting event that costs hundreds of dollars for a couple of hours of entertainment, but on the way, completely ignored a homeless person who was asking for money for a meal?

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I don’t like that homelessness exists, but I do like how it forces affluent Westerners to confront their own privilege and morals.

And I think everyone can and should decide for themselves what to do about it. One time I met a lady at a bar and we decided to try a different one. On the way she got hit up three times for money. Every time she reached into her purse, fished around for a few coins and handed it to them.

I wanted to admire her for it. And I guess I did a little bit. But I’ve never felt bad about turning down a panhandler. I’ve given money before to some. A few weeks ago, I had maybe 3 bucks in quarters in my pocket after hanging out with my coworkers at a bar that also was an arcade.

On my way out I got hit up. At first I kept walking, but then I suddenly remembered I had the partial roll of quarters, I didn’t need it for anything, so I stopped, grabbed it out of my pocket, handed it to him with a little nod, and then was on my way. I guess something about the way I handled the situation really impressed a lady that was hanging out, and she was pointing at me and yelling something that I didn’t quite catch.

Another time, one started bothering us while we were eating outside. I gave him $5 but he wouldn’t be satisfied with $5 and wanted us to help him out more. I told him, “I already helped you” with a hard look on my face and he finally left us alone. In my part of town they can get belligerent and entitled and I guess it works on some people so they keep doing it.

You know, I’m not stupid. Panhandlers go where there’s lots of people. Someone’s going to give them enough money to get something to eat if they ask around enough. You shouldn’t feel like you have to. Yes, even in this age of plastic, some people still carry cash around.

I tend to completely ignore panhandlers unless I’ve decided to give them something, which is to say, most of the time. I don’t think anyone’s entitled to my attention while I’m walking down the street, especially if I have my headphones in and I’m listening to music. Sorry, I’m not really up to hearing a sob story right now. I’m not your guy, try someone else.

This goes double for the charity vampires that hang out around where I work and try to hook you into a recurring credit card donation that you have to raise holy hell to get to stop if you don’t feel like paying any more to some massive bureaucracy that’s ridiculously out of touch with what real people actually need. I don’t mind being pointedly rude to the 20-somethings they get to act all cheery so they can try to waste ten minutes of your time and then act like you’re the rude one when you don’t want to listen to their spiel. A couple of times I’ve wanted to tell them they’re worse than the homeless people and please go get a real job.

But if a panhandler does manage to get my attention, my answer is usually “sorry bud.” I’ll look them in the eyes and at least try to give them a little human attention so maybe he doesn’t feel so lonely. “Sorry, bud” does exactly what I need it to do, says no, and indicates that I’m not judging them for their position, I just don’t have anything for them. It’s never failed me.

In my city there are homeless shelters and plenty of churches that organize help for the homeless. I’m not saying it’s enough or that it couldn’t be better, but the resources are there and if you’re homeless on the streets long enough you’ll find out about them.

Also there’s the aspect that not everyone who is homeless actually wants to not be homeless. For some it’s a lifestyle choice. I’m not going to judge you for your lifestyle choice but I’m also not going to knowingly subsidize it out of my pocket, again, unless I really feel like it. If you’re an older man who looks like he’s so far away from normal society that he’ll never fully find his way back, well, I have more sympathy than if you’re young and able-bodied.

I don’t think I’ve ever given any panhandler under 40 any of my money, especially if I catch a whiff that they’re playing people. I once saw a kid, couldn’t have been older than 17, shuffling around like he was crippled on the train, then stand up straight and drop the act, right there on the train after he’d hit everyone in the car up. I didn’t believe for a second he was crippled but I didn’t think he’d have the nerve to pull that shit. I hope whatever drugs he bought with that money was worth the effort.

I don’t mind them plying their trade and I certainly won’t be leading the charge for any misguided local policy against homeless people, I just don’t see myself as having an obligation towards them either. No choice I make in any situation is going to make any real difference in their lives so I don’t feel pressured one way or another.