What are the strangest parts of The Bible?

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When it comes to crazy stories in the Bible, it’s really hard to beat Sodom and Gomorrah. It has a certain Deliverance flair to it.

Two angels visit the city of Sodom and are just reaching the gates. Lot sees them and really strongly insists that they stay with him that night. The reason for the insistence is made clear when the whole freaking town’s men, young and old, show up and bang on Lot’s door. Maybe not all of them showed up, but there were enough to surround the house. Young men, old men, the Bible is clear that the whole town is implicated here.

It’s the gay zombie apocalypse.

The men demand that Lot bring out the strangers so they can make sexytime with them. Lot, going above and beyond the call of duty in service to total strangers, offers the ghey zombies his own daughters, virgins who’d never before been with a man, to satisfy the crowd.

But nope, the zombies just weren’t going to be satisfied until they could make perfect strangers squeal like little piggies. They start to beat down the door, until the angels had enough of this crap, pulled Lot away from the zombos, struck them blind so they couldn’t find the door, then told Lot they were going to get medieval on the whole town, grab whoever you can and get away from this godforsaken place.

The fiancees of his daughters laughed him off. I can only imagine their faces when God rained fire and brimstone on the whole town. Lot’s wife also didn’t survive, she looked back against instructions and instantly turned into a pillar of salt.

God didn’t stop with Sodom, or Gomorrah, He destroyed all of the cities in the plain. Lot managed to get God to spare a small town, Zoar, but he was afraid to live there, and took his now-single daughters up into the mountains.

Guess what happens next? The daughters worry that their wonderful father won’t have any male children to preserve his line. So one after the other, they get him drunk and then both get preggo by their own daddy. These inbred sons go on to found nations.

I’d really love a 300-style cinematic treatment of the story of Lot.